Save Your Energy: Why Explaining Yourself to Closed Minds is a Losing Game

Let me start by saying this: arguing with someone who only sees life through their tiny window is like trying to get Wi-Fi in the ocean—futile, frustrating, and a total waste of battery.

As a Black woman, I’ve had to learn this the hard way—in my relationships, in my business, and definitely at work. We spend so much time trying to convince people to understand us, respect us, or simply see us, and yet some folks are determined to stay stuck at their level of perception. You could give them a whole TED Talk with visuals, references, and bullet points, and they’d still blink at you like you were speaking another language.

So let’s talk about what to do when you encounter people who refuse to see beyond their own point of view—whether that’s your partner, a customer, or a co-worker.

In Relationships: Pick Peace Over Proving a Point

Listen, being married has taught me one essential thing: sometimes silence is stronger than a sermon. If your spouse (or your boo, or your situationship—no judgment) can’t see your perspective, repeating yourself louder won’t make them magically “get it.”

Instead, step back and ask yourself: Is this battle worth my peace? If not, let it go. You don’t always have to win the argument to win the relationship. Sometimes, the real win is saving your energy for the love, laughter, and some Crown Apple nights that actually strengthen your bond.

In Business: Customers Aren’t Always Right (And That’s Okay)

Whew—this one right here! As an entrepreneur, I’ve had customers who swear they know my business better than me. “Why can’t you make this $25 shirt for $10?” Or “I could do this at home with a Cricut.” Sweetheart, if you could, then you would—so why are you in my inbox?

The truth is, some customers will never understand your pricing, your process, or your value. And guess what? That’s fine. Stop bending over backward to make sense to people who don’t respect your worth. Serve the ones who do—the ones who pay your price without blinking and brag on you like you’re the Beyoncé of custom designs.

At Work: You Can’t Train Willful Ignorance

As a program director, I’ve sat in meetings with people who will fight me tooth and nail about something they clearly don’t understand. You can explain it three different ways, show them the data, and even pull up state policy, and they’ll still say, “Well, I just feel like…”

Sis, let me tell you—stop trying to drag people to clarity. Some folks are comfortable in confusion because it excuses them from accountability. In those moments, document your facts, protect your peace, and let them swim in their puddle of perception while you move forward with excellence.

The Takeaway: Protect Your Energy

You cannot make sense to someone who refuses to expand their perception. And you know what? That’s not your job.

• In relationships, prioritize peace over proving your point.
• In business, lean into the customers who see your value.
• At work, document and move on—don’t argue with stubbornness.

At the end of the day, your energy is precious. Spend it on building, loving, creating, and thriving—not on trying to drag people to a level of understanding they’re not ready for.

So, the next time someone just doesn’t get it, smile, sip your coffee (or margarita, sugar rim, no ice), and remind yourself: “Their lack of comprehension is not my emergency.”