Leadership Ain’t for the Weak: A Woman’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Boss Moves

Let’s be real—leadership is hard. And being a woman in leadership? That’s a whole other beast. Since 2018, I’ve been navigating the beautiful, chaotic, unpredictable world of supervising staff as a Program Director. And let me tell you, no amount of leadership trainings or webinars could prepare me for the journey. You deal with people’s personalities, perceptions, projections, and sometimes problems that ain’t even got your name on them.

One of the first pieces of advice I received when I stepped into leadership came from my supervisor at the time. She looked at me, almost like she knew what was coming, and said, “It’s lonely at the top.” And whew—was she right.

You Can Be Friendly, But You Can’t Be Their Friend

It took me a while to learn this the hard way. You can’t hang out at brunch on Saturday with your coworker and then discipline them on Monday for showing up late. That creates confusion, blurred lines, and hurt feelings. And when boundaries get muddy, respect starts slipping through the cracks.

Being in leadership means choosing clarity over comfort. That means setting boundaries and sticking to them, even when it’s not fun. You can be approachable, supportive, and kind, but you must also keep the professional line clearly drawn. Because at the end of the day, if something goes left, you’re the one who has to write the corrective action, not their “friend.”

Boundaries = Protection, Not Punishment

Some people hear the word “boundaries” and immediately think of it as cold or mean. It’s not. Boundaries protect you and your team. They keep the workplace structured, consistent, and fair. I always say, “If I do it for one, I must be willing to do it for all.” That mindset has often saved me from unintentionally creating workplace resentment and accusations of favoritism.

Because here’s the thing—your team loves you when you’re giving them what they want. Leaving early for a doctor’s appointment? You’re the best. Coming in late to take their kid to school? You’re the GOAT. But the moment you tell them to send out their weekly schedule or enforce monthly team meetings? Whew—public enemy number one.

People will always love flexibility until it’s not their flexibility being prioritized.

Leadership Requires Objectivity—Not Emotional Gymnastics

One thing I’ve had to learn (and re-learn) is that everyone’s reaction isn’t about me. If someone sends me a spicy email or comes into my office with an attitude, I remind myself: I haven’t done anything to them, so this can’t be about me.

Now don’t get it twisted—I leave space to be corrected. I’m not too good for feedback. But walking in with the assumption that it’s not personal helps me approach the situation with clarity instead of combativeness. That tiny dose of what I jokingly call “arrogance” protects me from internalizing their mood or matching their energy. Because the moment a leader starts reacting emotionally to everyone else’s emotions? The whole ship begins to sink.

Leave That Sh*t at Work

Let me say this loud for the folks in the back: You’ve got to learn to leave work at work. Compartmentalization isn’t just a survival skill—it’s a leadership requirement.

That doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you recognize that dragging the stress of managing personalities, expectations, policies, and performance home with you every day is a recipe for burnout. Leadership is heavy. You’re making decisions that impact people’s jobs, their families, and the agency’s reputation. So once you clock out? Clock out. Your peace is worth protecting, too.

Leading in the Age of Buzzwords and Burnout

Now let’s talk about the era we’re in. The age of “mental health days,” “self-care,” “quiet quitting,” and “gaslighting.” Don’t get me wrong—I absolutely believe in mental health and self-care. I practice both. But I also think we’ve watered them down so much that some folks are out here requesting a “mental health day” because they had to answer three emails before 10 a.m.

As a leader, you have to navigate this with wisdom and discernment. Create a workplace where people feel supported, but not so coddled that accountability feels like oppression. Ask questions. Show grace. But don’t back down from structure in the name of being liked.

Because guess what? You won’t always be liked. And that’s okay.

Tips for Female Supervisors Trying to Keep Their Sanity:

1. Set clear boundaries early. Don’t wait until things get messy—draw the lines in the sand from the beginning.
2. Be consistent. If you allow one person to slide, be prepared to extend that same grace to everyone, or face the consequences.
3. Lead with empathy, not emotion. Take a beat before responding to heat. Objectivity is your power.
4. Keep documentation. It’s not petty, it’s protection. Keep records of discussions, requests, and decisions.
5. Have a mentor or leadership peer group. Because sometimes you need a safe space to say, “Whew, these people are working my nerves.”
6. Practice real self-care. Not the bubble baths. The boundaries. The “no.” The turning your work phone off after hours.
7. Be okay with being the “bad guy.” Respect lasts longer than popularity.

Final Thoughts

Leadership is not for the faint of heart. Especially not for women trying to lead with integrity, fairness, and strength in a time when everyone thinks their opinion is gospel. But I see you. I am you. And while it may be lonely at the top, it’s also empowering, fulfilling, and impactful.

Keep leading, sis: boundaries and all.

Want more real talk about leadership, work-life balance, and doing boss things with a side of humor and grace? Follow me, share this post, and let’s build a leadership circle that keeps it honest and empowered. 💼👑 #WomenWhoLead #BoundaryBoss #LeadershipMatters #SupervisorLife #BlackWomenInLeadership #WorkingWhileWomaning