Finding Myself Between the Cracks

There are days when I wake up and feel like I’m already behind.

Before my feet hit the floor, my mind is racing with to-do lists: orders to fulfill for Designs by MTK, staff issues at work, a school project my 12-year-old son told me about at the last minute, and relationships that—if I’m honest—haven’t been getting the attention they deserve.

I am a wife, mother, a full-time program director, and a small business owner. I wear all of these titles with pride, but the weight of them? That’s the part nobody talks about.

The truth is, trying to do it all feels like I’m constantly pouring from an empty cup. And when I run dry, the people closest to me often feel the cracks before I even notice them myself. My relationships get the leftovers of my energy. My son sometimes gets a distracted version of me. My business doesn’t always get the innovation and creativity I know I have in me. And then there’s me—at the bottom of the list—running on fumes and guilt.

I’ve made missteps. I’ve missed moments. I’ve broken promises—some to others, some to myself. I’ve told myself, “Next week, I’ll do better,” more times than I can count.

There’s this myth we’ve been sold that we, as Black women, can have it all—flawlessly. But what they don’t say is that “having it all” often comes with a cost. Sometimes, that cost is our health, sometimes it’s our peace, and sometimes it’s our relationships.

I’ll be honest—my relationships have had their strained moments. Not because there’s no love but because life gets loud, and we forget to listen to each other. My son needs me to be present, but sometimes, I’m so focused on keeping everything afloat that I forget to just be still with him. My business was born from passion and purpose, but some days, it feels like just another task I’m barely managing.

And yet—I wake up every day and try again.

I try because I believe in the vision behind Designs by MTK. I try because my son deserves to see what hard work looks like and also learn when to rest. I try because my relationships are worth fighting for. I try because I know I’m living the dreams my ancestors once prayed for.

But trying doesn’t mean perfection. And trying doesn’t mean I won’t fail.

What I’ve learned—what I’m still learning—is that I have to give myself the same grace I give to everyone else. I am only human. I don’t always get it right. And that’s okay.

So, to every Black woman out there who feels like she’s juggling too many hats and watching them fall one by one: you are not alone. It’s okay to say you’re tired. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to not have it all together.

Because what makes us powerful isn’t how much we can carry—it’s knowing when to put things down and rest.

In this season, I’m learning to choose presence over perfection. To prioritize peace. To be kind to myself in the process. Because at the end of the day, I’m not superhuman. I’m just a woman doing her best to build a life rooted in love, purpose, and truth.

And that, I’m learning, is more than enough.

— Melinda,
Founder of Designs by MTK
Wife. Mom. Program Director. Dreamer. Doer. Human.